Don't you just hate it when your mother breaks up your hockey fights?

Wimbledon: tragic morality tale

Xan Brooks had the unenvious task of liveblogging (as the kids like to say) Wimbledon yesterday when the longest match in history between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut was in progress. The tiebreaker for the fifth set was tied at 59-59 (that's games, not points) when it was called for darkness, to resume today. As the match wore on, Brooks himself descended into brilliant lunacy. Some examples:

On and on they go. Soon they will sprout beards and their hair will grow down their backs, and their tennis whites will yellow and then rot off their bodies. And still they will stand out there on Court 18, belting aces and listening as the umpire calls the score. Finally, I suppose, one of them will die.

and

The scoreboard is barely visible through the grass and weeds and trails of Spanish moss. It shows that John Isner and Nicolas Mahut are locked at 37 games each in the final set.

I'm wondering if maybe an angel will come and set them free. Is this too much to ask? Just one slender angel, with white wings and a wise smile, to tell them that's it's all right, they have suffered enough and that they are now being recalled. The angel could hug them and kiss their brows and invite them to lay their rackets gently on the grass. And then they could all ascend to heaven together. John Isner, Nicolas Mahut and the kind angel that saved them.

It's the best piece of spontaneous writing we've seen in a long time. Yesterday's blog appears here, with the fun beginning around 3:45. Check it.

The people's champion

Fear the deer

The Milwaukee Bucks are playing the Atlanta Hawks in the NBA playoffs. The Bucks showed this clip on the scoreboard during one of the games:


Good production.

Player scores goal, celebrates by imitating Double Dragon

H/t: Deadspin

Joakim Noah: Saying what everyone else is thinking.

Backstory: Joakim Noah of the Chicago Bulls previously said that there was nothing to do in Cleveland. The Cleveland fans booed Noah mercilessly when the Bulls came to Cleveland for the playoffs and Noah responded with a big game in Game 2. Then Noah doubled down in the post-game press conference:



Harsh but true. No one vacations in Cleveland.

Two minor leage baseball videos in one day?

Nice form:

College baseball rain delays are better than college baseball games

FAU and WKU present Rain Delay Theatre @ Yahoo! Video

Canucks' green men are ready for the playoffs.

18 seconds of pure, unadultered failure

The Harlem Globetrotters will probably take a pass on these ladies:

Watch lacrosse players kick lacrap out of each other.

In your face!

Middle school volleyball is apparently much more entertaining than we would have expected.

See more funny videos and Sports Videos at Today's Big Thing.

H/t: Deadspin

Two little words that make a big difference.

Here's a good catch by Deadspin. The Detroit Lions' running back is recovering from surgery to repair a torn ACL. The headline of the Detroit Free Press's article is "Lions' Kevin Smith, on ACL recovery: 'I can do almost everything'." However, the actual quote, which is further along in the article is “I can do almost everything except run."

Gus Johnson, don't ever change, or take Xanax.

Three shining moments -- The one that started it all

Here is the first One Shining Moment:


And as an added bonus, here are some of Gus Johnson's greatest NCAA March Madness hits:


Now I'm ready.

Two Shining Moments

Is there any other time it's acceptable for married men to say "honey, I'm staying up late to hear Luther Vandross?" No, no there is not.

Folks, we're only 5 short days away from Gus Johnson's head exploding... again.

With March upon us, The Tao will count down to the Madness by featuring a "One Shining Moment" video every day that we aren't too lazy to post one. Lets get things started with last year's rendition. Hit it Luther:

"... and I look forward to a future of worshipping the prostate of Howard Stern."

It's early, by we think we have already seen our favorite thing of the day. Yesterday, a fan of Howard Stern prank called ESPN's SportCenter ("SportCentre" for our Canuck readers) while they were live on the air by pretending to be Brian Westbrook, the All Pro running back for the Philadelphia Eagles who was cut by the team.

There's nothing more metal than curling

University of Miami fans go all Lord of the Flies on Duke

Wow, a real conch shell. If memory serves, In Lord of the Flies the conch is a symbol of civility, which is definitely what comes to mind here. I guess the symbolism was lost on Coach K.